A Man Worth Following

As men, the bible tells us we are called to lead. I think this is most essential in the home—as husbands and fathers. God designed men and women differently for a very specific purpose. Though I’m a single 20-something male, I feel like God allows me the grace to learn new things about this every day. Whether through scripture, through teaching, or through watching and spending time with my married friends, I think I learn something new about the unique roles of men and women every day.

What has me most fascinated today is the ability we as men have to answer this call God has given us in our relationships with women, through the idea of respect. I’ve often heard it said that women want to be loved, and men most desire to be respected. It makes sense, doesn’t it? How many women (and girls) do you know who have shown a desire for someone’s love and attention. So many girls do this in the way they dress, or the way they behave around guys. They dress in a way they know appeals to guys, and they act flirtatiously to hold their attention. It’s not hard to spot, even if you’re not looking that hard.

But isn’t it just as true of most of the guys you know, and their desire for respect? Men are so often trying to seem as “manly” as possible, so that women (not just one, but all) will fawn over them, while other men will look at them without any doubt that, they are, in fact, a “man’s man.” Men are competitive because when you’re the best at something, people respect you. Men work out and go an entire month without shaving so that other men will look at them and be impressed, respecting their manhood.

Men desire respect. And in their desire to be loved, women often give men that respect. It’s a natural process, and it starts with how we were created. But I think our abuse of a woman’s respect, and women’s abuse of men’s love can lead to dysfunction, and there’s a lot of that in this world. But the system itself isn’t a mistake. It can be good.

And what I wanted to point out was the ability we as men have, to take advantage of the respect we are given, and use it for the good of those giving it. I’ve watched a lot of women give men respect, and then follow them into relationships, and then into marriage, and the men were never deserving of their respect in the first place. They get hurt because they followed men who didn’t care about where they were leading them. But as much as that relationship between a man and a woman can hurt either of them, it can also be a very beautiful thing if done right. I’m talking about men who take that respect and use it as their called to do biblically.

When a woman would be willing to date us, or marry us, she has given us exactly what we want and need—respect. She gives us the power to lead, because she’ll follow wherever we go. The bible tells husbands that they are responsible for the sanctification, or spiritual growth, of their wives. Here’s their chance.

Leading isn’t hard. Girls follow bad guys all the time. But leading well can be. And when a woman gives us her respect, we have the opportunity to lead her to the Cross. And what I’m starting to understand is that the best way to do this is not to beat my chest and prove that I am worth following. I think the way to do this is to fall to my knees and admit that I have to follow Someone, too. A man worth respecting isn’t just a man who leads, it’s a man who leads somewhere worth going. And there’s nowhere more worth going than the Cross of Christ. So men, I hope that if you’re not doing this already, you look at what you do with the respect you’re given, and you think seriously about what you’re doing with it, and where you’re leading the people who follow you.