The Walls We Build

I spent my summers in college working at my uncle’s moving company. I had the opportunity to work with some really fun and interesting people. They’re not all like the friends I had growing up, and I’m thankful for that. They helped me to see the world through different eyes. One of those guys was one of my favorite co-workers. I’ll call him Jim. As far as I knew, he’d been driving trucks for most of his adult life. He’s battled drug and alcohol problems, but was among the nicest people I’d ever met. He was a blast to be around. He told jokes and laughed at himself all the time. He genuinely just wanted to be friends with everyone around him. One day, I had the opportunity to talk about faith with Jim. He had some interesting viewpoints. He had a sister who suffered from Downs Syndrome, and he’d lost his mom to colon cancer when she was still pretty young. Jim was angry with God. He wasn’t the first person I’d ever met who was angry with God, but he was one of the few who admitted it. Most people who are angry with God take out their anger by claiming that God doesn’t exist. They reason that if God would do whatever it is that made them angry, then He couldn’t be very loving. And who wants to believe in God if He isn’t loving, and if He doesn’t want you to be happy? So Jim and I talked for a couple hours about how God could allow his sister to suffer her whole life, and how He could take their mom from them when they were still young. I wish I could remember what I told Jim. I hope I told him something about Joy—about real, God-centered Joy. You see, Joy isn’t just happiness. It’s satisfaction. It’s fulfillment. It’s total contentment, not necessarily in how things have turned out, but contentment in believing that you’re still not at the end. 

The way I see it, we’re part of this huge jigsaw puzzle that God’s putting together. Most of the time, all we can see is the small portion of the puzzle where we fit in. At times, it can be real hard to make out just how it’s all going to look when it’s all put together, but we have to realize that we’re not meant to see the big picture just yet. But God sees it. And He knows exactly how we’re supposed to fit in. And sometimes we don’t fit exactly where we’re supposed to go. We carry around some things that God doesn’t want us to hold onto. Because He wants us to become like Jesus, He has to break away some of that excess stuff. He has to bend us and even break us to make us fit where He wants us to go. It’s never easy to be bent or broken. It hurts. It’s even embarrassing at times. But God wants what what’s best for us. We don’t. And He knows exactly how to give it to us.

I didn’t say any of that to Jim. But I wish I had. Maybe it would have helped. But Jim didn’t just need some encouraging words from me. He needed God to work in his heart, and break through the wall he’s built around himself in anger.

I think a lot of us will shut God out when He takes something from us. Whether we lose a sister, or a parent, or a spouse. Or maybe it’s not even a life that’s lost—maybe it’s a job, or a relationship, or our comfort. But we often tend to hold a grudge against God when He moves into our lives and starts to work on our hearts. It’s never easy. I think one of the biggest reasons why people get upset when God takes something away is that they think God was supposed to be about giving, and never taking. We tend to feel like we’re entitled to something. Somewhere along the way, we got the idea that we deserve happiness. I haven’t read every verse of the bible, but I don’t think it ever suggests that God wants us to be happy, or that He’ll give us what we want, and never let us hurt. In fact, many of the people God uses throughout the bible suffer immensely. I love where Paul said in Romans 8:18, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

When we’re mad at God, it’s usually because we don’t trust Him. We don’t think that what He’s doing is in our best interest, or we think He doesn’t know what our best interest is, or both. It’s so important to remember that we’re not able to see the whole puzzle just yet, and that there’s a place that God wants to fit us into it. But until we’re willing to let him shape us, the pain will seem unbearable, and finding Joy in our struggles will be almost impossible. Trust God, and remember that the pain is only temporary. But our future glory will last forever.

For Jim, God will have to break down his wall. He’ll have to help Jim to understand that He is in control, and maybe more importantly, that what He allows Jim to experience—whether pain or prosperity—is because He loves him.

God loves all of us, and wants what’s best for us. The question is, in your pain, do you believe that enough to take your wall down? 

Stop Searching For Your Soul Mate

I feel a great need to start this particular entry with a disclaimer. I have never been in a serious relationship, and would, by many accounts, not qualify whatsoever to speak on this subject (at least not with any credibility). So I would ask that as you read this, please don’t hear me saying, “I did it this way, and so this is the right way.” Instead, I hope this will simply offer perspective on the matter—the perspective of a single, 24-year-old Christian male. I realize my experience is limited, but I think everyone can have wisdom, and wisdom comes in different ways, through different circumstances. Sorry it was a bit wordy, but THIS HAS BEEN MY DISCLAIMER.

The other day, I finally broke down and took Netflix’s advice. It had been suggesting for the better part of the last three months that I watch a movie called “What Dreams May Come.” It had Robin Williams & Cuba Gooding Jr., and I had read that it was about a man’s experience in heaven. So I gave in. Curiosity got the best of me.

I’ll go ahead and say that I had a lot of problems with the movie for a lot of reasons. It wasn’t a terrible movie by any means, but if it intended at all to paint a true picture of the afterlife, it failed miserably. At least according to the bible. But that’s not the topic of this entry (I’m sure I’ll talk heaven in a later entry). The problem I want to address at this point is the problem of “soul mates.” Yes, I said problem. In the movie, Robin Williams’ character dies before his wife (and shortly after their children), and winds up in heaven. But shortly after he gets there, he’s told that his wife took her own life, and as a result, wound up in hell. So upon hearing this news, Chris (Robin Williams) decides he is going into hell to bring her up to heaven (You may have noticed a couple of those other problems I mentioned having with this movie). Other characters warn Chris that he won’t be able to, until they find out that he and his wife have the rare connection of soul mates. Because of this unusually strong connection, Chris is able to do what was thought to be impossible—bring a soul to heaven from the depths of hell.

“What Dreams May Come” is hardly the first movie to present the idea that two people are simply made for each other—otherwise known as soul mates. It’s a romanticized idea as old as story-telling itself. Most of us have something inside of us that longs for completion. And somewhere along the way, we got the idea that such fulfillment could be found in another human being.

It really does seem so ironic to me that the world is moving more and more towards Godlessness, and yet we still believe in the idea that two specific people are naturally intended to end up together. People refuse to believe that an intelligent Creator spoke the earth into existence, and yet they desperately cling to the notion that a random, inanimate Universe had a plan from the dawn of time for them to find one particular life partner. But atheist and unreligious folks aren’t the only ones subscribing to this belief. Christians do it all the time. It just sounds a little different. They might say something like, “the person God intended for me to marry.” It’s just as dangerous.

You see, when we allow ourselves to believe that only one person in the whole world fits us compatibly, we eliminate all other options. We put an insane amount of pressure; not only on ourselves—to find “the one”—but also on the people we date. We have some sort of list that they have to live up to or they just aren’t right.

The reality is that if we all did this, no one would ever find a good fit. One person or the other would fall short of expectations, and then—whether it’s early in the relationship, or sometime after marriage—someone decides they’re excused to end it, and go find their soul mate. Because they obviously missed on the first swing. This, in my opinion, is the attitude at the heart of the problem of divorce in our world today. If you married “the wrong one,” then you have the right to leave and find “the right one.” It’s incredibly self-centered.

And let’s be honest. We ourselves are not perfect. If you look at the person you’re with and decide they don’t meet your standards for that elite soul mate status, you might want to look in the mirror. Because truthfully, you probably don’t live up to a lot of other people’s standards either.

I say all of this to make two points.

1)   We cannot find ultimate fulfillment in another person. That completeness we seek in a soul mate isn’t an illusion. We’re just looking in the wrong places. The only One who can take us in all our brokenness and put us back together, make us feel worthy, and give us the purpose we long for, is God. Jesus isn’t just our example, He is our Answer. He is the personification of God’s love and grace for us. If we accept Him, we find ourselves eternally accepted.

 

2)   Quit setting an unrealistic standard for the person you want to marry. Marriage isn’t about our happiness, but rather our holiness. It’s a means for God to shape us into the person He wants us to be. That means struggle. That means sacrifice. If we had a “soul mate” and everything was easy, we’d never grow in marriage. I’m not saying that you should lower your standards, but I might be telling you to reset your standards. Understand what kind of person God would want you to attach yourself to in marriage, and then understand that you’re not perfect, and neither is anyone you date. A close friend of mine once put it this way: Does she (or for you ladies, he) love Jesus? Check. Are attracted to her/him? Check. Do you enjoy your time together? Check. Then play. I loved that he used that term. “Play.” We often forget that within the boundaries God has set for us, He intends for us to enjoy Him and His gifts to the fullest. He has a plan for our lives, but He also gave us the freedom to make choices. And no matter the decision, there is almost always more than one path you could choose that would be in line with His will for your life. God so often gives us choices.

So stop searching for your soul mate. Turn your eyes heavenward, pursue God, and when He puts someone in your life that you think you could spend the rest of your life with, play. 

Nine Eleven

It’s been ten years, and like most of you, I remember the events of 9/11 like it was yesterday. And after these ten years, our response as a country, and many of the events that have unfolded since, I’ve seen my beliefs about our country and the rest of the world changed and re-formed.

Maybe I never got into “waving the Red White & Blue” quite as much because I always thought seemed strange that people would talk about how much they loved their country, but seemed far less enthusiastic about the God they claim to worship. I often hear people say “God bless America” and it sounds so empty when I see nothing that resembles gratitude to Him for the fact that they could even call themselves Americans in the first place. I am so glad that I was born in America rather than one of the many countries around the globe where my quality of life would be substantially below that which I experience here, but I think it’s important not to forget Who gave me the life I have in the first place, and pledge my allegiance first to Him. Even so, I certainly had my problems with what many people call “patriotism.” The most recent example is a time I allowed myself to get into an argument via a certain social networking site. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it offended another American so much that he told me I could leave his great country (I left out some of his more choice words so as to keep this blog PG). “If you don’t love this country, then you can just get the [hell] out!” God bless America, right?

When news broke that Osama Bin Ladin had been killed, there was an understandable sigh of relief amongst most Americans. The threat of another attack like 9/11 was somewhat weakened, or so we hope. But then something else happened. Within hours of the news, footage from across America of parties in the streets went viral. College campuses everywhere were alive with chants of “U-S-A! U-S-A!” There was even a party right in front of the White House. Most of this craziness was a bunch of immature teenagers and twenty-somethings that just saw another reason to get drunk and celebrate something. But it was evident that people all over America were expressing their “patriotism” by laughing at and cheering the death of a man halfway across the world. It was no longer a matter of neutralizing a threat to our country’s values and the lives of our people. It was about us being better than someone else. It was pride. And it was disgusting. If you felt joy at the death of Bin Ladin, I’m not saying you’re a terrible person. But if the reason you felt that way was because you live in a country that is so good at killing people that even the most dangerous terrorist in the world cannot hide from us, you might want to check yourself.

I believe Osama needed to be stopped—so much so that I believe killing him was justified. But make no mistake. That man believed in something (no matter how skewed it was) and he did more in the name of what he believed in than any one of those crazy partiers in the Youtube videos (I’ll come back to this). It angers me to hear people talk with so much arrogance and disdain towards others just because those other people don’t hate as well as they do. Was Osama evil? I absolutely believe he was. But don’t sit on your couch and brag about America with a pride that makes people around the world roll their eyes at us.

I guess my point is that if you want to boast about a country with freedom, don’t waste that freedom. The pride of some of the people who claim to be patriots is no more than hatred. It’s often accompanied by racism, ethnocentrism, and downright disdain for anyone different from you.

But I don’t want this post to be about the bad things I see in America (because to this point you’re probably thinking, “Is this seriously his 9/11 blog post…on the 10^th anniversary??”). No, I want to move to the good—because this weekend has brought about a lot of nostalgia, and a lot of tears. Families still without husbands and fathers and wives and mothers and brothers and sisters and sons and daughters are mourning the loss of their loved ones from the darkest day in American history. Right now there are still thousands, if not tens of thousands, of U.S. Armed Forces men and women who are making immense sacrifices to not only protect our freedom, but to see freedom spread to places where people have never experienced it. And we’ve grieved the loss and celebrated the heroism of the many New York firefighters and policemen and women who died saving the lives of their fellow Americans. Those were moments when I had to fight back tears and felt chills going over my body. 9/11/11 was be a difficult day for everyone as we reflect once again on what happened ten years ago, and the loved ones who were lost.

So how do we move forward into the next ten years?

My challenge to you is to be more passionate about the things you believe in. If it’s freedom, you shouldn’t be condemning people without it, you should be doing something to help them gain it. Patriotism isn’t pride—it’s gratitude. And gratitude shouldn’t drive you to turn your nose up at those who didn’t share your good fortune of being born in America. It should drive you to spread that which you value. On this 9/11, I don’t want us, as Americans, to just be proud. I want us to be patriotic.

Thank You, God, that I was born in a country where I’m free to worship you. Thank You for the people who gave their lives to save some of the victims on September 11, 2001. Thank You for the men and women who give up their time and energy—and even their lives—to fight those who would see our freedom destroyed. May we feel their passion and their patriotism and do whatever we can to bring the freedom we know and love to places in this world where people know nothing of such liberty. May we always remember what that freedom costs us. God bless America. 

God In The Wildfires

It seems that the entire planet seems to have endured more natural disasters as of late—everything from hurricanes in the U.S., to earthquakes in Japan, to tsunamis in the South Pacific. But perhaps it is the geography of the latest headline-making crisis that has me thinking especially of the victims involved. Over the past few days, wildfires have torn through many highly populated areas in Texas. So close to home is this tragedy, that many of the affected areas have touched the lives of close friends of mine. So it seems natural that the infernos have me thinking more deeply of how such calamity pertains to God, and how we are to relate to Him.

The natural question at a time of tragedy is always, “Where is God?” These may not be the exact words a person speaks—perhaps it’s, “If God is loving, how could He let this happen?” or, “Why would God let His people suffer?”—but at the core, this is the question everyone is asking. “Where is God?”

Many of us have spent time praying for rain during these record-setting dry months. Even more of us have petitioned God in these past few weeks as our state has caught fire. We pray that God would change our circumstances. This is certainly a biblical practice, but then, God could have simply stopped the fires before they ever started in the first place, right? So the next question is, “If God could stop a fire before it starts, why would He allow it to burn homes and even take lives?” This is where it gets tricky.

As I ask this question, I think of what the pain the fires cause means in the first place. What I see is that God is using the fires for His good. In allowing these devastating fires to burn our homes, God is calling us to Himself. As we go to Him in prayer, something happens. You see, prayer isn’t simply our way of asking God for things—it’s our fellowship with Him. We need it. Our spirits cannot live without it. Like rain to a parched earth, God’s presence saturates our souls. When God stops the rain, He paints a picture with the soil of what our souls look like when we don’t have Him.

Honestly, I believe with all my heart that when God allows tragedy to befall us, it hurts Him every bit as much as or more than it hurts us. He does love us. But what is the greater love—to give us complete comfort apart from Him, or to wound us when we stray away from the one place we can have life? It sounds crazy, but if Jesus is life, and our only source of life, then to bring us back to Him would be entirely life-giving, and completely loving.

My encouragement to you is not that you would stop praying for God to stop these fires. In fact, I encourage you to pray all the more. But as you do, don’t simply ask God to stop our pain. Ask Him to come pouring into You that your heart would be saturated with His perfect love. “Father, please bring rain to our land to stop these devastating wildfires. And God, please come into my heart and soak me in your love and grace. Because like the soil of the earth, my heart thirsts desperately for the relief that only You can offer. Rain down on me.”

I once heard that the reason a shepherd carries staff or crook is so that when a sheep repeatedly strayed away from the flock, he could use his staff to break its leg to keep it from wandering off into danger again. It’s why they often carried a lamb around their shoulders, and why we often see Jesus depicted as doing just that. So in the 23^rd Psalm, when the Psalmist says, “You make me lie down in green pastures,” the imagery was such that God literally takes away our ability to walk so that we won’t stray away from Him. Because sometimes God has to cut our legs out from under us to show us how bad we need a Crutch.