I spent my summers in college working at my uncle’s moving company. I had the opportunity to work with some really fun and interesting people. They’re not all like the friends I had growing up, and I’m thankful for that. They helped me to see the world through different eyes. One of those guys was one of my favorite co-workers. I’ll call him Jim. As far as I knew, he’d been driving trucks for most of his adult life. He’s battled drug and alcohol problems, but was among the nicest people I’d ever met. He was a blast to be around. He told jokes and laughed at himself all the time. He genuinely just wanted to be friends with everyone around him. One day, I had the opportunity to talk about faith with Jim. He had some interesting viewpoints. He had a sister who suffered from Downs Syndrome, and he’d lost his mom to colon cancer when she was still pretty young. Jim was angry with God. He wasn’t the first person I’d ever met who was angry with God, but he was one of the few who admitted it. Most people who are angry with God take out their anger by claiming that God doesn’t exist. They reason that if God would do whatever it is that made them angry, then He couldn’t be very loving. And who wants to believe in God if He isn’t loving, and if He doesn’t want you to be happy? So Jim and I talked for a couple hours about how God could allow his sister to suffer her whole life, and how He could take their mom from them when they were still young. I wish I could remember what I told Jim. I hope I told him something about Joy—about real, God-centered Joy. You see, Joy isn’t just happiness. It’s satisfaction. It’s fulfillment. It’s total contentment, not necessarily in how things have turned out, but contentment in believing that you’re still not at the end.
The way I see it, we’re part of this huge jigsaw puzzle that God’s putting together. Most of the time, all we can see is the small portion of the puzzle where we fit in. At times, it can be real hard to make out just how it’s all going to look when it’s all put together, but we have to realize that we’re not meant to see the big picture just yet. But God sees it. And He knows exactly how we’re supposed to fit in. And sometimes we don’t fit exactly where we’re supposed to go. We carry around some things that God doesn’t want us to hold onto. Because He wants us to become like Jesus, He has to break away some of that excess stuff. He has to bend us and even break us to make us fit where He wants us to go. It’s never easy to be bent or broken. It hurts. It’s even embarrassing at times. But God wants what what’s best for us. We don’t. And He knows exactly how to give it to us.
I didn’t say any of that to Jim. But I wish I had. Maybe it would have helped. But Jim didn’t just need some encouraging words from me. He needed God to work in his heart, and break through the wall he’s built around himself in anger.
I think a lot of us will shut God out when He takes something from us. Whether we lose a sister, or a parent, or a spouse. Or maybe it’s not even a life that’s lost—maybe it’s a job, or a relationship, or our comfort. But we often tend to hold a grudge against God when He moves into our lives and starts to work on our hearts. It’s never easy. I think one of the biggest reasons why people get upset when God takes something away is that they think God was supposed to be about giving, and never taking. We tend to feel like we’re entitled to something. Somewhere along the way, we got the idea that we deserve happiness. I haven’t read every verse of the bible, but I don’t think it ever suggests that God wants us to be happy, or that He’ll give us what we want, and never let us hurt. In fact, many of the people God uses throughout the bible suffer immensely. I love where Paul said in Romans 8:18, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
When we’re mad at God, it’s usually because we don’t trust Him. We don’t think that what He’s doing is in our best interest, or we think He doesn’t know what our best interest is, or both. It’s so important to remember that we’re not able to see the whole puzzle just yet, and that there’s a place that God wants to fit us into it. But until we’re willing to let him shape us, the pain will seem unbearable, and finding Joy in our struggles will be almost impossible. Trust God, and remember that the pain is only temporary. But our future glory will last forever.
For Jim, God will have to break down his wall. He’ll have to help Jim to understand that He is in control, and maybe more importantly, that what He allows Jim to experience—whether pain or prosperity—is because He loves him.
God loves all of us, and wants what’s best for us. The question is, in your pain, do you believe that enough to take your wall down?
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